Like worst hickies ever he always gives them like wtf
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
he calls himself the gay cupid because he matches two guys looking to hookup on craigstlist with each other. get me out of here. please.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
