dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
My butt just had a miscarriage. It was yours. I'm sorry. You would have been a great sexually confused parent.
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
At what point should i just give my brother a break and stop sleeping with his friends?
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
this is random but who was banging in the shower in our condo?
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
is it fun? or sober?
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
