Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
they told me her nickname is "wizard sleeve"
pick me up NOW
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
How did you get a free t-shirt at the strip club?
I was attacked by whores
You threw up on yourself again didn't you?
They were strong whores
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I may have been mad at the Supreme Court/patriarchy and tried to hate fuck myself.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
