Are we in a gay sports bar?
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
You think posting ushers "let it burn" video on his fb page is in bad taste? haha
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
He may be a manwhore, but he’s a very well endowed manwhore
That’s an important feature when it comes to a manwhore
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