Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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