did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
When you get home there will be live fish in the bathtub. I did not put live fish in the bathtub.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
You fell asleep mid blowjob with my vibrator in your HAND. So no, I will not bring you pizza.
My gay card got upgraded to platinum status today.
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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