Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
I just saw a guy in front of the courthouse giving himself a sobriety test and fail it...this can't end well
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
I woke up to her vacumming the grass
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
So vagazzling was a success
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
Randomize
