so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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