That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
He had a curved dick....must be a european thing
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
There's always time for handjobs
they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
Do normal couples celebrate occasions naked with Chicken McNuggets and BBQ sauce?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Randomize
