That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Passed out mid cig in bed last night. Thank you cough for allowing me legal prescription hydrocodone.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Right now, I'm sitting in my room, drinking beer, eating double stuff Oreos, taking bites straight from a block of cheese, and watching Anchor Man 2 trailers. Finals week at its finest
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
I ended up snorting coke while wearing a Bavarian dress and I feel like I need to reevaluate my life
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
