I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If you don't remember anything tomorrow, this is to remind you that you asked me in secret to build a bobsled with you and re-enact Cool Runnings.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a deer right in front of me when I came. Sex in the forest is awesome
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
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