My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
No like you've drunkenly persistently tried to take your shirt off in the middle of a park filled with children. You had already thrown your bra at my crotch.
At the funeral we'll say nice things, like "She was delightfully extreme, psychotically wonderful, and could probably drink all you fuckers under the table."
That's literally the perfect eulogy
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
