She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
She's legit crying about wanting more sex. Holy shit.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
A Valium induced mom decided to walk into my bedroom this morning without knocking. Guess what I was doing? FML
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