How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
My balls are so social today.
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
