Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
Coming to you live from the floor of my office..
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
Randomize
