my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I was able to hide the fact that I had just shit in my pants, and then wupped her ass at FIFA
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Randomize
