Our Neighbors are trying to steal our ducks!
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
I'm at the casino and some dude apparently has money in an entire row of slot machines. Its like watching a really intense adult version of wack a mole
He offered but I said no. I didn't think it'd be cool to accept cupcakes in the mens room of a gentlemans club.
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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