Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Just hit on a fat chick so shed buy me a drink. Then i walked away. Nice to see how the other half lives.
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
If you hit me with your dick and make light saber noises we are breaking up. I don't care if it's your birthday, you are not a sex Jedi.
So is singing the star wars theme as I put the condom on off limits?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Vaguely remember? You pushed George and two other fellas out the way to hug me, screamed gandalf before chugging your beer and smashing the bottle on the floor. I lolled.
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
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