I think "bars open christmas minneapolis" is the saddest google search i've ever done.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
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The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
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Today would have been my 8th wedding anniversary and I woke up with a hot European guy in my bed. Divorce has it's perks.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
I made out with a guy dressed as the pdx airport carpet.
Portlandia didn't prepare you for that?