I think I just saw someone hide a body.
Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
too bad burritos don't cuddle back
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
I'm reading 50 shades of grey and masturbating while he's doing insulation downstairs. Maybe I can get him to bring me a sandwich