Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
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it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
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I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
So maybe putting the blacklight above the futon wasn't the best idea...
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good