areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
never try to heat up a hot pocket in the dryer if ur microwave breaks...bad idea.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
you were watching a documentary about sharks and wouldn't stop stroking my legs and whispering "what if they could walk?"
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
I was walking back to the dorm and was made fun of for wearing a coat. I'M SORRY I CARE ABOUT MY WELL BEING.
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I'm eating dinner with his parents and my phone goes "MOVE BITCH GET OUT THE WAY!" Thanks.
Randomize
