He fucked a visibly pregnant girl. It doesn't get weirder than that.
No, pictures of your dick will not make me feel better about my grandmother having a brain tumor.
I'm sitting in the corner at the bar with a poolstick in case a brawl breaks out. Some crazy shit is going down and I'm trying to show my feathers like a horny peacock.
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST.
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Put down the Captain Crunch and get over here. It’s a dickfest!!
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