Dude, I'm so high in the forest and I think I'm in a bear den.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
I'd google it, but I don't really want my search history to say, "Name for masturbating on a flight."
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
Umm...sounds like a maybe. I broke my nose and have surgery next wed but if I'm ok by Friday I'm down.
Went to bed still wearing my bralette. When I was changing this morning, a Tootsie Roll fell out. I'm definitely living my best life.
Randomize
