OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
I just learned in bio that our sole purpose for life is to have sex.. so your high number is acceptable. its actually lacking.
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You don't know true terror until you get stuck in a porta potty while frying your face off.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Apparently I told the mayor I want to be a trophy wife
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