I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
Prepare for tons of dick. I mean dick by the bucket loads. Waterfalls if cock.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
And then my hands went numb and no one believed me so I started putting peoples cigarettes out on them. Shitty idea i'll tell you that much
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
I've slapped too many boys and done too many naked laps for it only to be 10:30pm
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I just asked Geoff what he is going to do because Hester left he said he was going to have gay sex with America.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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