Very drunk. laura says hi. i can't find my pants. i think i'm in philly, but it might be jersey somewhere
Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
We might as well just set our livers out to sea on burning ships
My one regret (beside the inevitable shit storm that followed) is that now I can't fuck his cute friend.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I don’t know how you celebrated 4/20 but I set a Payless trash can on fire
If work found out I was using THEIR paper to write Karate Kid fanfic I'd never hear the end of it.
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