dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
i hope whoever thought of bagged wine flip cup last night has the same hangover as me. not ok.
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Way to ruin everything
I am drinking jager with a cat, your argument is invalid
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Dude, I danced with Abe Lincoln! How could last night have been any better???
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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