She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
how soon is too soon after the break-up to ask for my condoms back?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
My New Years Resolution is to come up with a new resolution monthly. January: decrease my shotgunning consumption speed to 7 seconds or less.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
She just came home holding a fire hydrant. Yes a fire hydrant.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I am available for nakedness
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
Randomize