That fat broad you banged out last night is still here and I can hear her snoring through the living room wall. I would leave, but I don't want to come home to an empty fridge.
I just saw my grandmother naked. again. this needs to stop now.
Time to put an end to this 'unprotected sex with crazy girls who have violent exes' trip I've been on so far this summer
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
Official reason: I couldn't get time off. The real reason: last Xmas nearly ended in alcohol poisoning to prevent me from screaming like a velociraptor
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
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