First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i stapled my math hw together with an ear ring, too ghetto?
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
I need a Jamo leash. Just tie it to my wrist and every time you see me reaching for a shot of it, just yank my hand away
I'm always drunk lately
Now I'm in a game of hide and seek in Sears
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
