At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
Randomize
