You know, I didn't realize this at the time, but it appears that I am being "heavily petted" by 3 grown men in that pic.
If these were biblical times then you'd be a Roman Senator.
I saw a sign that said worlds largest frying pan next exit. Way to do your fucking part Iowa.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Nope. She just screamed at me "YOU WERE A FAILED ABORTION" and "I'LL PUT ANTHRAX IN YOUR PILLOW YOU LITTLE FUCK". Best mother award ever
Wow just saw this. Nothing like a little anal sex to ring in 2012.
And now she's hand feeding me pork rines and showing me her angry birds high scores. This is Vegas.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
That accounts for only three of the penises
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
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