cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
Remember when I referred to my box of wine as my briefcase and made all of those stupid jokes about working overtime? Thanks for ignoring my cry for help.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
we need to invent and abuse teleportation
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
I just set my acrylic nail on fire while trying to light my blunt
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
