I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
There is a mirror in the headboard of the bed that I'm sleeping in so I can immediately question life choices when I wake up.
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Ahhh, beer. My second favorite breakfast drink.
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