It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Somehow I got food poisoning AND alcohol poisoning in the same night. Its like everything I love is trying to kill me. I'm waiting for my tv to make its move.
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
