pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
i'm going to be honest, my vagina smells.
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
Randomize
