my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
The weekend is off to a good start: she just got into a verbal fight with a hobo. Nearly a fist fight.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
apparently I stole your wolf lighter. probably bc you made me howl while you puked over your deck railing.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
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