i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
I'm ready for this little girl to leave so I can hit the bong already
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was planning out a scrapbook to memorialize my affair.......and that's when it hit me, I don't make good choices. On the upside, the scrap book came out great and I am glad I saved all the gate passes from the airport.
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
They just canceled the season. It’s going to be harder to bang soccer moms this year
Randomize