Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
i just realized that the oil change sticker on my windshield is a day before the last time i had sex. I've driven exactly 10500 miles since.
you need to get laid.. and an oil change.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
The pastor just stopped the sermon to lay hands on me. THAT hungover.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
ok, i suppose pissing your pants could be considered a wardrobe malfunction.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I made him fuck me with my coat zipped up and a unicorn mask on. That level of drunk sex. Weird and creepy yet highly satisfying.
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
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