Michael Jackson and Farah Fawcett are dead
NOOOOOOOO not MJ! Someone tell the paramedic to grab him by the heart and just "Beat it"
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
she wrote "need hug!" on a sticky note, put it on her back, and passed out on his bed. they're trying to figure out how she got into his room...
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
If you do wifi you would be helping my penis out & real friends care about their friends penises...
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I'll do anything with you, except downhill sports and butt stuff.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
