sitting with a guy who's looking at the cum stains on the bed. Do you think he's convinced it's from the cat?
No. He thinks you're slutty.
Do u think I can claim pregnancy as an accident so my insurance covers it?
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
I think I just saw my 8th grade band teacher trying to pick up a hooker
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
You didn't hold all these dicks to become a party planner!
The low-flow toilet at my office cannot handle the intensity of this hangover.
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
I just imagined myself as R2-D2 and you as C3P0 walking around the Vegas desert looking for alcohol
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize
