i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
How did I get so drunk? We had to fish that girl out of the Goodwill Donation Box.
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Is it sanitary to roast marshmallows over a cigarette lighter?
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
I am going to borrow your water/shock proof video camera for St. Pattys day so that if wake up next to the highway again I know why.
Ok but I hold the right to any footage of you getting slapped, puking, anything with body shots, and allowed to make a montage of it to put on youtube.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
