birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
Just got booked to do a bachelorette party for a polygamist wedding. And notice I only text you to rub things in your face and show you my life shits on yours. Daily.
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
Honestly my life is shambles over a married man who looked like a fuckin NERD ON HIS WEDDING DAY
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
