Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
Dude, just walked by a homeless guy pissing on the sidewalk while he was screaming at his wang. God, I love this city.
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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