Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
after the first blizzard, i went out and bought a thirty and put it in a cooler and hid it out in the backyard. now the second blizzard has deposited 2 feet of snow on top of said cooler. there is a shovel and treasure map over here waiting for you
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
I just blew my weed a kiss
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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