just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
she won't take no for an answer... no matter what language i said it in
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
Im part way to drunk.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
You like pics of my balls that much?
I am at the store looking at frames as we text...
She's celebrating a tinder-match-aversary and I'm not about that.
Randomize
