I have a walk of shame I should be getting to. "Hey, by the way, what is your name?" is not a conversation I want to have today
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Randomize
