I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
awoke with 47 plastic lawn flamingos in my bed and on surrounding floor. explanation?
you said they were your minions of evil that protected you from ferrets.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
It's just like the Real World with babies
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
I'm concerned you might be passed out on a random rooftop right now. Not concerned enough to do anything about it. Hope you're alive. Goodnight.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
Just put a sign on a baby carriage that says "all daddy wanted was a blowjob" might get fired.
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
Randomize
