All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
