Rosebud was a fucking sled. Gay.
I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
they ran out of cups so I just drank out of a cowbell.
So i just bought beer on a credit card, using a fake ID, while wearing my nametag from work. All 3 have different names on them. God i love my boobs.
yah i'm on my way- is everything ok?
i'm holding a walmart bag of my own hot vomit that i closed up with some random chicks hair tie. we r pretty fucking far from ok
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
I'm about to pick up E from underneath a random doormat.......how is this remotely normal?
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
How drunk was I last night?
You tried to unlock a door with your dick. That drunk.
Not the explanation for the cock bruise that I was looking for.
Randomize
