Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
You were face down, at your computer, surrounded by beer bottles listening a bagpipes version of amazing grace.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
eta to your mouth 5 minutes
I just got my beard fondled by a drunk chick outside the venue. I feel slightly violated. And I think her boyfriend wanted to fight me.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
Currently at a bar observing the mating patterns of drunken people in their 60s. This is hilariously terrifying. Hope he has Viagra.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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