nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
also, made a drinking game out of my birthday photos....drink everytime alcohol is in a photo. going through all 350 of them.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
All I want to do is get high and needlepoint. Fuck your judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I could fuck to npr.
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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