guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
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All I learned from that experience was that drinking scotch out of a crunk goblet was bad news.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
im destined to be single forever. i hope its okay if your kids come and hang out with my cats.
He got cut off by the bartender. So he kept buying people drinks of they would i get him a drink. Before you know it him and 8 people were outside the bat trying to get people. To by them drinks
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
You slapped the bar and yelled "daddys thirsty!" at the lady behind the bar
To be fair I was thirsty
When she told you not to yell you looked directly at me and screamed "Man, she sucks!"
One day we'll be rich enough to go to rehab. Until then, fuck it.
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
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