..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
You know it's time to do the dishes when you take shots of water out of a sake glass...
And you wonder why you're always one of the guys?
She's been with the dude for a week saying she's in love. Yeah so am I. I just opened this beer 5 minutes ago and I LOVE IT ALREADY.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
