So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
where'd the toddler underneathe the beer pong table come from?
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
I'm just learned what a rim job is, I feel like crying
The more and more I think about it, the more I realize... it's not ok to just pull over on the side of the highway to pee... I'm sorry I argued that
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
Randomize
