He asked to "fluff my boner.."
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
He woke up, mumbled "silverware", and went back to sleep
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
i drank out of a bidet.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Apparently I thought every drink in my house needed to have a buddy so I put some vodka in each one. Long story short being wasted at work because the gatorade you brought is 60% liqour is not a great idea.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
