just got waxed at a place I havent been to in a while
woman didnt remember me then in the middle of waxing she announced that she just didnt recognize my face
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Just gave my manager part of my viccodin stash-my job is basically secured forever.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
You are like the only girl I know who tells their booty call to go find another girl just cause you want more sleep.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
My bed smells like the plague
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
Randomize
