Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
just found gum connecting my sunglasses to my floor board. you don't want to know where else it was.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
I apparently asked the cab driver to show us his dick and then he showed me a picture of his girlfriend
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He just took off his shirt. I'll text you later.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
Randomize
