i just woke up i smell like fire, i have bruises on both knees and one elbow, i have a lighter and nip of smirnoff blueberry in my bed, rug burn on one hip and about 12 pics of you and me on my camera-this needs to stop happening
yea ive got to shower which is going to be painful given the skin burns from the blowup obstacle course races last night
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
at any given day I am at least 60% invested in my work. today I am staggered around 3.5%
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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