his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
woke up this morning to find the entire staircase covered in marinara sauce, with my roommate practically sobbing and scrubbing the wall with carpet cleaner.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
