i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
I broke stuart's oven and showed up to the party with a squirrel.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I miss yesterday.Today's hangover makes yesterday's look like a little girl with blonde ringlets playing hopscotch in the street with a ginger kitten.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
Never doubt me. I am drunk and unstoppable and I will finish this book
My bed smells like the plague
I am listening to my ipod while i puke, this is most entertaining hangover i have ever had.
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
Randomize
