with your own penis?
the guy I was hooking up with asked me if he could wear a guerilla suit during sex.
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
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The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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