Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
