so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Can Purell be used as lube?
Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
All he did was lie there and used his hands to keep pace. He was like the metronome of sex.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I'm also 3/4 on the frats. Its like my goal of traveling to all 7 continents, but different somehow and a lot less morally sound.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Randomize
