FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
She was perfectly content just sitting in the middle of everyone blowing bubbles in the air.
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
HAPPY NEWYEARSM FAGTRON! GETTING HEAD IN TAXI I WIN
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
It figures that the only time one of my videos on Snapchat gets replayed is a video of my Hedonism Bot impression and NOT my nudes
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Randomize
