Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
I was having the most awesome dream about onion rings and you hit me and told me to stop touching you...WTF?
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Technically, I traded a soft pretzel for sex last night...
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
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