Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
Just faked two orgasms bc I had too much wine and remembered mid sex that I bought doritos yesterday.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
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