You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Just passed a Taco Bell Taco Supreme, still in its wrapper, laying in the grass. I'd like a moment of silence.
May it rest in peace.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
He made me eat donuts off his dick. donuts, jen. DONUTS.
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
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