I don't think the people up for their 8am class were as impressed with how many beads i got last night as we were.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
These days, you and me are swimming in dicks.
Marco
Polo
When Vanessa's kindergarten teacher called me in because she was caught with her hand down some boys pants in the bathroom, I knew you babysat last week.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize
