Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Well he offered to lick my asshole so...I'm not really worried about his interest level.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
Randomize
