I hate you but I'm not in hate with you
YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
He was carrying a rolled up carpet saying he was saving it for tomorrow's Walk of Fame.
Also, never say you're cool with a threesome if they ask. That shit's a trap.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
