I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
My name will be tattooed on his ass by sunday.
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
