Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
So i think we're being coned into a threesome with the promise of pokemon
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
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We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
the coastal evacuation route ends at my vagina so you can just skip the bullshit and come over
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
I made my own utility belt like Batman. It has a cup holder for my beer, cell phone holder, a little pocket for condoms, and a sewing kit just in case.
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guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
we went to the skate park then back to her house for dinner, and somehow that ended with her making me blueberry pancakes at 2am
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