In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He was having Sex and you yelled 'hot and dangerous!" and he responded with "if you're one of us then roll with us!" when he went to he bathroom I saw her getting dressed, looking mortified.
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
You sat outside petting a picture of your cat for hours... not even the real thing... just a picture.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
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