Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
If he breaks up with me, your job is to keep me drunk and make sure I don't sleep with anyone. Ok?
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
Randomize
